prays* i hope my proposal on setting up an interact club in xms does get approved! anyway, i was only give one day's notice to do it, so it was quite slipshod. if only i was given more time. hopefully, no news means good news. =x

i spent the whole afternoon to complete ONE trigo further assessment worksheet. ): i can never ever finish studying for my mid years if this continues. arghhh.

* dun give up, pam!


self-talk really helps. hahahha. so please dun panic if you see me talking and smiling to myself, yeah. (:



tml is finally the start of a new month! *beams. i dun need scrimp n save again. hahahha.


i seem to be in LOVE with all the sad songs. all pf's fault! keep sending me those sentimental sad love songs. but thanks my fren, u've been keeping me very entertained by our conversation and indeed, it cheers me up. of cuz, thanks for letting me bully you too. hahah. (x


study time! study study study! study study study! study! study! study! study!

posted by pam @ 9:57 PM 0 comments

ahhhh~

im supposed to be offline by 1030pm. hahahha. but addicted to the computer! (x


i had a crazyy time with dear krystal today. wahahahhaha. long time didnt had such great fun with her le. spend our time chatting on very wu liao stuffs. hahaha. i duno why whenever im with her, i will just go les. i must start distancing myself from her or else one day, i will really become les. heez. ((x rmb another pact of ours, kry. 5 years later, u know what will happen right. hahha. our lil secret.



ru guo yao wo xuan zhe de hua. wo hui xuan zhe hou hui. wo bu yao yi han. yi han shi zai tai tong ku le. jiu xuan hou hui, zi sao hai you hui yi. jiu xuan mei you xing fu de jie ju, you le hui yi, wo jiu hui kai xing le. ying wei hui yi hui yong yuan liu zai wo xing ni. ((:

posted by pam @ 10:54 PM 0 comments

tml will be a longgggg day in school.

830am to 10am: chemistry consultation
10am to 12noon: study in library
12noon: eat with krystal
1pm to 3pm: continue studying!
3pm to 5pm: most hated PE remedial. urks!


it's like a normal school day! hahah.


after tat, i feel like going out lehs. dun wish to go home and face my books again! but everybody seems busy. so sorry to jia hui! i really do feel bad abt it. i'll be wishing you all the best for ur concert. jia you! ((: u will do just fine.


maybe i will walk to toa payoh as suggested by pf! hahaha. xP someone pls ask me out! x/


* life's beautiful. u gotta live it, to believe it.

((:

posted by pam @ 11:31 PM 0 comments

* this entry is just for this special someone.

i must really thank to person for giving me such an enriching experience and add so many beautiful memories to my life.

the person is..........

*drum rollsssssssss........................




























BEST SENIOR! aka TCH!




thanks for passing on ur position to me. i've learnt so much about life, people and myself. ((:

i will work doubly doubly hard and not let u lose face k. hopefully, i will be able to get the treat u promised! heez. (X


best junior here hopes u will find ur true happiness soon. or have u found one and is hiding frm me? must share ur happiness with me mahs. hahahah.


all the best to you in army. ((:


*honoured?

posted by pam @ 1:43 AM 0 comments

the ppt presentation was screwed up! i was extremely affected by this cuz i really spent so many late nights and effort on it. when the screen hanged, my worst nightmare seemed to come true. the laptop was spoilt by some hardware problem. at that worst point of my life, i just want to disappear from the face of the earth. so damn embarrassing lar. the Director, Jessie, Amy and Li Ching were all present. after that failed presentation, we carried on with our programme. as we do not have any songs and lyrcis for our sing along session, we had to just have to sing on the spot with no backgrd music at all. it was really a test of our 'thick-skinness'. yupp. so we just sang 'if we can hold on together' despite my cranky, pitchy voice.

but towards the end of the song, i just couldnt contain my tears. i had to leave the room to compose myself. i felt utterly disappointed in everything. being my last project of my term in interact, i really wanted this story to end off with a beautiful note. after drying my tears in the toilet, i wanted to join back the rest.

but my JIE came towards me and comforted me. the dam of tears open and shit, i started crying nonstop. dangs! i didnt want to cry. i just cant pretend nothing happened and laugh it off cuz i wanted so so much things to go smoothly and have reassured my JIE that i will make sure nothing happens to her laptop.


luckily, i pulled myself together and finished the whole farewell way after the assigned end time.

thanks to all the help the j2s have given. hope u guys enjoyed the experience at daybreak scc as much as i did.




now im kinda trapped in between deciding to study Sociology or Engineering in University. i've gotten many feedback and opinions from those who studied either of the courses before. but sadly, i seemed more troubled and lost. im really interested in studying Sociology as im more of a human-orientated person. on the other hand, i will not be able to apply what i've studied in my 2 years on that course. those who are in the Arts stream will then have an upper hand on it.

Engineering will be my next choice cuz that's only the other thing im quite interested in and will be able to apply what i have learnt. but the thing is that i not sure if this will be my cup of tea. i know my parents have high hope and i mean really high ones of me studying Engineering. the reason being i can help out my father in his company or maybe take over his company in the future. the idea to be a boss in a company seems really enticing but i still cant imagine myself studying that field for 3 to 4 years.


ultimately, the question is that does interest takes priority over academic abilities?

what if ur interest is in something that u dont have the capability of doing so?

okay. i admit im very lost now. =/

posted by pam @ 12:01 AM 0 comments

woots! tml is a very very short day for us! we end school at 1045am. so shiok! (:

but still got cca at 2pm so it doesnt make much a difference for me lar. haha.


BUT im not complaining as it'll be my last official trip to daybreak! a place i will miss so dearly. i've dedicated much of my time (esp during the jun & dec hols) there and am emotionally attached to that place, despite the fact that the kids there drove me up wall on certain occasions. they are too adorable to be angry for long. heez. (X

they're clever u know. they can trick me into saying some vulgarities. luckily i was not fooled into saying it. hahah.

please never send ur kids to a childcare centre if the future. ur children will be exposed to so much negative influences. they are spoilt by the caregivers, they learnt to be rebellious; they have blatant disrespect for anybody; they behaved like spoilt brats! maybe this is hasty generalisation but i will never put my children in a childcare centre in the future.



hope the farewell goes smoothly! ((:


* if i could be where u are

posted by pam @ 11:40 PM 0 comments

woah~

first time im using comp till so late on a sunday night. i had to rush thru a ppt presentation for the daybreak farewell party on wed. hopefully it will turn out as well as expect it too. the director for the FSC is coming too lar. hahah. stressed! :S


today was the BIGGG WALK! i went tog with the 1 couple (koon & wayne), 1 'couple' (mei & ahem!) and 2 other desirables (jeri & kun). hahah. i woke up really really early! it was fun to walk with so many people from all walks of life. we managed to get a balloon! but sadly, we cant find other coloured ones!

it was a long, tiring yet enjoyable walk. i really hope kun will find back his true normal self. ni yi ding xing de! ((:

we're supposed to walk 10km but being lazy & hungry, we stopped at the 6km mark and went to marina sq to yum yum! niceeee fooooodddd! (x




mmm. i must really thank one person for knocking some sense into me and make me realise there isnt point being so depressed all the time. i will be only making myself and the ones around me so miserable. a great fren indeed! ((:









i love this picture! lonely as it seems but with such beautiful scenary, it's a totally different feeling.

posted by pam @ 12:46 AM 0 comments

BIG NEWS!

pam has gotten her hard-earned silver for her 2.4km! great job pam! ((:


i must not forget those who encouraged and pushed me on, esp my class 2405! i was touched beyond words when i knew they made a card with all their words of encouragments on it. when i saw mdm ong walking towards kuanyan, my heart skipped a beat. i was so afraid she would tear up the card! hahah.

thanks to miny for the time and effort in doing up the card!
thanks to sophia for pacing me during the run!
thanks to mok mok for coming down to cheer me on during the run!
thanks to arlene for supporting me when i nearly fainted after the run!
thanks to my dearest mei for helping me cheat a few secs! hahah!
thanks to mr piggie for the concern n confidence in me!


to many pple, running a distance of 2.4km is an easy feat. but someone like me who gets severe stitches very easily and breathing difficulties after 2 rounds, it's an achievement by itself. i feel so proud of myself for preserving on despite wanting to give up at the 4th round.

but when i heard my mei, shuwen n arlene cheering so loudly (i could hear from the other end of the track), i knew i cldnt just give in so easily. throughout the run, friends i met along the way were cheering me on. i knew i had to complete the run no matter what, or else i would disappoint everybody else.


and i did it! yays yays! (X

[my parents laughed at me when they knew i was the only girl who had to run! :X]


today's the first time i literally slept in class when mdm ong gave us 5 mins' break. i really slpt very soundly during the 5 mins. hahah. i was really really tired this week. luckily, lessons ended really early for weds and today.


wed: i went to support AJ during the vball finals! the match was really nerve-wracking. my hands turn cold. my knuckles went white. my hands hurt from all the clapping. but it's all worth it as we WON! i really extremely proud for the vballers as they displayed true sportsmanship and team spirit. it's the first time i felt so proud to be an AJCian. ((:



when i read back my entries from the past week or two, i realised i had been so unhappy. ironically, i dun understand why have i been tat unhappy. it wasn't my usual me. i rmb during the jan-mar period, i was super happy. i wasn't bogged down by many xin shi. i felt so carefree and peaceful at heart. it's a kind of happiness i haven't been experiencing for a very long time.

things started to downhill after the march hols. i dun understand why either. i've been trying to find back my cheery self and lead the life i always wanted to.

not tat i dun like the life im leading now. it's just tat i feel i can be happier. or maybe im just too greedy and not satisfied with my life........

i must learn to zi zhu. be happy with i've got at present and not sulked at what i do not have. (:

















* memories not meant to be forgotten!

posted by pam @ 10:19 PM 0 comments

it's a long long journey.
i will embrace myself and walk it down alone.
my shadow and i...
(:

posted by pam @ 10:28 PM 0 comments

im supposed to researching for my GP application but i duno where to start from. Nature VS Nurture. AHHHHHH!

these few days i have been feeling very vexed and stressed up over many issues. of cuz studies top my list! i've just realised that the next 2 weeks will be very tiring. got more tests lined up and this weekend is arldy booked. i still need to find time to study for my next week's tests. when is all this going to stop? study. sleep. study. sleep. study. sleep. a never-ending cycle. i just cant wait for my As to be over!

i dread the arrival of this thurs too! im going to have an anxiety attack soon over the napfa test. althou on the outside i appear to be nonchalent abt it, deep inside me want to get it done over with. )):


the feeling seems so raw and vaguely familiar. my heart aches like how it did one year ago. i want to let you know everything but will things remain the same? i seriously need some counselling!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

super fan! arghs!


what's overcoming me? :(


*this is how a heart breaks.

posted by pam @ 9:23 PM 0 comments

im SO happy now! hahahha. all becuz of my dear dear frens! really feel so fortunate to have such a great bunch of friends ard me. love them so dearly. ((:

i was actually feeling super down in the afternoon, after failing my NAFTA test yet again. SO SO SAD N DISAPPOINTED IN MYSELF! at that point, i already gave up on myself, telling myself i dun wish to care abt this test n im going to fail it all the way till august. even thou i have to come back during the june hols, i alrdy resigned to my fate. dont blame me for not having any confidence in myself as im already sick and tired abt this test! im just not fit at all! i really wish i am!

worse thing is tat im the only one left who failed! how shitty tat can get right???? i feel so so pissed with myself. why am i so useless???? ARGHS!


anyway, im still very glad to have so much support frm my dearest frens. really touched by it. it really helped me to push myself further but the prob lies in me. haiz.

thanks shuwen for accompanying to run but sadly, it rained.
thanks koon n jeri for the card n biscuits.
thanks mei, for all the support n encouragement. really love you!
thanks jiahui for the encouragements too!
thanks huiying for listening to all my woes n frustrations.
thanks to the rest for all the support u gave.

in a way, i've let u all down. but hopefully, i wont stay down for too long. i hope i will be up n fighting again!


playing the piano really allows me to destress. i haven't touch my piano for ages! love playing all those sentimental songs, esp Romeo and Juliet, Marriage D' Amour, Tong Hua & Korean drama songs. ((:


tml will be AJCO concert. haha! im feeling so excited for my MEI! u go girl! JIE will be supporting u always... i admire u for being so committed n passionate to learning a new instrument. i know it isnt easy for you n u went thru really a lot in CO. now it's YOUR time to shine! jie LOVES mei! awwwwww~~~~~ i'll rooting for you all the way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MUSKIES love you too!


i cant cant wait for tml! i cant wait to see MUSKIES! oh no! no mood to do work now. hahahhahah. pls let tml drag a lil longer!


oya. must thank yexiang, weihuang n their frens for supporting my mei too! thanks guys! (if u all happened to read) ((:



my frens, aunties n uncles in my school have been mentioning im fat! ARGHHHS! really really sad lehs. i know my frens may be (crossing my fingers) just joking with me. but the aunties n uncles are really serious abt it. really angry u know. i thought i was arldy thin enough but they think otherwise! hahaha. may be they are old bahs. xP must be the case!



* a tear behind a smile

posted by pam @ 9:58 PM 0 comments

my baptised name is Xue Feng! nice? hahah. so pls call me tat nxt time yeah. (:


i envy my mei! she gets to have movie marathons! i also want to!!!!! hahah. do u believe me if i said i only watch ONE miserable movie this year????? so sad lar. :(


i really miss MUSKIES! i want to just to break free from my usual brave self and let those tears flow.


happiness dun come easily to you.
i want to fight for my own.
but where do i start from?

posted by pam @ 9:11 PM 0 comments

i made such a BIG mistake! the wish shld have been made the previous night. so i didnt get to make tat special wish. alas! it didnt happened. dun bother asking me what wish is tat cuz it's my hidden secret. xD


anyway last night's CLDDS concert finally came to a close. i rmb getting so hyped up and nervous for jeri n koon. hahah. im not the one performing la. xP i can see they really had a fun time! (((: u girls did a wonderful job! well, we managed to have almost full reunion with the camp guys. the image of them wolfing down the beehoon is damn funny la! * evil me! it's really nice to see of them again. i guess there will not be any camp held in june which means it will be hard to meet up again. oh wells, wish them all the best for their studies! dun get distracted by the blondes! hahah. xP


in the evening, my family went to hougang stadium for a Buddhist ritual called Peace Homage ( san3 bu4 yi1 bai4 ) in which we have to kneel down n pray for every 3 steps. my kor, my mei n i waited for like 2 hours in the queue before our turn! super long! anyway, it was arldy 9pm before we started. initially, i thought it was chicken feet. so for every 3 steps, i made a little wish. so i think i made like abt 20 wishes. hahah! greedy me! anyway, after one quarter of the track, i was already feeling the strain in my knees and was feeling giddy. at that point in time, i figured it's really impossible to even complete one round, nearly felt like giving up. but then, when i realised that people, young and old, are doing exactly the same as i was, i knew i cldnt just give up.

so yupp, despite my wobbly legs and heavy head, i perservered on and completed the ritual! really felt a sense of achievement. hahah!

im really impressed by how children as young as 5 years old can complete TWO rounds. it really takes lots of will power and the heart to do so.

actually, to think abt it, im not exactly a stauch buddhist as i dont adhere to a strict vegetarian meal or completely abstain frm beef, despite being baptised when i was young. i do have a baptised name, Xue something. i will go check it up soon!


when my family was walking towards the stadium, i complained tat my feet hurt as my slippers always caused blisters. my ma then insisted tat i wore hers. i was so touched cuz my slippers were way too small for her. i really felt the love frm her! (:


this led me to relish a piece of memory tat i've long chucked at the back of my mind. i rmb my former class had a xmas celebration at marina south. after eating, we decided to walk all the way back to the mrt which was really really far away. well, my feet started to hurt, so he gentlemanly changed slippers with me. as my slippers were too small for him, he had to walk barefooted! so wei da! hahah.


i decided to post abt this cuz i think im such a person who tends to forget a person's good points and only rmb the bad points. like how i rmbed him arguing with me, him not turning up when we arranged to, him neglecting my feelings. often, i myself had forgotten to notice the good side of him.


frm now on, i must change to always rmb the positive things abt a person and not bother too much abt a person's negative side. this is a learning point for me! (:


pls dun be mistaken tat im still longing for his return. i know we both are still frens and have moved on. (:


i cant wait to be up in a hot-air balloon and witness sun rise frm there! maybe i will do tat for my honeymoon! hahha. one of my random thoughts again! ((:

posted by pam @ 1:50 AM 0 comments

im SOOOO happy i scored well for my physics CT. im not here to brag abt it but it really help me regain the confidence in myself. at least all my hard work paid off!!! (:


im going to set alarm at 1 am tonight and make a lil wish 3 seconds after 1.02am. cuz it wld be 01.02.03, 4/5/06. heez call me dumb or crazy. but no harm giving it a try right. hahah. xP hope i can wake up!

all the best to KOON and JERI tml! ni xing de! koon, dun be too nervous, just look into tat person's eyes when u sing yeah. hahah. xP i will always be ur loyal fans! gambatte! (:

posted by pam @ 9:00 PM 0 comments

lazy day it has been!

i woke up at 10am cuz my kor barged into the room, switched off the aircon and opened the windows wide open, allowing the glaring sunlight to shine on the sleepyheads. i felt so frustrated cuz i badly need the sleep!!!!

at abt 2 plus, i started to feel the after effects of lack of sleep and dozed off on the bed for a 2 and a half hours of nap. hahaha! felt so guilty! i supposed to go for a run and attend the WP's rally with my pa. but had to skip all that due to the nap. xP

i feel so energetic now! (:


it's a start of a new month. time for me to forget all the unhappiness in the past month and work harder towards my dreams! :D


it will be a long long lonely night....

posted by pam @ 12:47 AM 0 comments